Devastated

The more I sat and thought about the possiblity of ADHD and my having it, the first thought, well maybe the second thought. The first thought was what did I do to Mary. The second thought was, what did I do to the church?
I pastored for 14 years in a place I loved and with people I cared very much about. I began to think of the different interactions I had with people, the comments I would get in trouble for, the things I didn't do, or forgot to do because I was too focused somewhere and oh man... the out of control moments. What did I do? Who did I harm? Talk about dragging up a bunch of regrets. It started to make sense why people wouldn't talk to me about uncomfortable things, mainly because they would have no idea of how I would respond. Who wants to unleash the crazy man, I wouldn't. I told Mary I wish someone would have told me earlier I was ADHD, perhaps I wouldn't have harmed people I loved, harming the church and harming my family and friends are my biggest regret because I normally would never dream of harming any of them.
ADHD is a part of me, I can't really change some of it. I did get on some meds that really change me, so much so my current Pastor has made comments to me that I am acting different. I had another person tell me they were concerned because of how tired I am acting (I guess not bouncing off the walls means I am tired...lol) But I am liking it, the odd comments dont come out, I am in more control of my thoughts, I can actually focus in meetings and listen to people. Perhaps there is hope for me yet.